Helen Keller

You told me I never told you how I felt.
It's true--
-----------I didn't.
I kept my feelings tight,
Under
Lock
-----------&
----------------------Key,
And when I felt like I'd lose control of them
And let them go flying
-----------Out
Into that great unknown void between
My lips
-----------And
----------------------Your ears and mind,
I wrapped myself tighter in them,
Like how I wrapped myself up in your sheet one night so tight,
I was like Burrito Girl,
And struggled in a
Silent,
-----------Full-blown
----------------------Panic
About being trapped for 5 minutes,
At 5 AM,
While you slept beside me,
Completely unaware
What was happening right beside you.
I was too used to forced independence
To even think or consider waking you up,
And asking you to help me out of
-----------All of it.
Completely unaware.
I neglected both myself
-----------&
----------------------You.
Like a dumb mute,
I kept things from you.
For fear of losing myself,
I lost you
-----------In silence.
I never laid a "thank you" next to your ear-drum,
For the things that meant
So much
-----------To me,
Like your vocabulary
And the fact we could discuss literature
Like semi-civilized human beings,
The 2 AM phone calls
When you knew I'd still be awake,
Even the
Bad puns,
Though
It was one
Constant
-----------Repeating
----------------------Refrain
In my mind.
I never told you, "I like being with you,"
Though
I never had the heart to squirm away from you
In the middle of the night,
When you were far too warm,
Even for me,
Because I would have rather been
-----------Tucked
Next to you and too warm,
Than beside anyone else and comfortable.
(Plus,
-----------You always followed me if I moved.)
I never said "I miss you,"
Though at times,
It felt like that feeling you get
When you're leaving for a trip,
And,
-----------As you walk out the front door,
You get that vague
-----------Yet specific
Feeling that you're forgetting something,
But you can't put your finger on it;
Until you've driven just far enough
That you can't justify turning back,
-----------When it hits you like a falling piano,
And all you can do is sit there,
And say,
"Well,
-----------Damn."
That is how I missed you.
And while I was missing you,
I was
Completely unaware.
I told you,
When the words finally came,
-----------Too late,
That the only person you can control
Is yourself.
Lies.
You can't even control yourself,
Some of the time,
As I proved,
By what I was too
Hesitant
-----------&
----------------------Too afraid
To say,
And as you proved to me.
I never asked for more because
-----------It was enough.
I thought I had learned,
That fear of rocking the boat,
Never got the crew anywhere.
Now I see,
Lessons remain to be learned.

XOXO